I apologize for what you are about to read..
はるのこい
すごいけどタフ
つかれます
タイムまて!
おいつけないよ
最高ランナー
すしはいい
すきやきもいい
でもまだハングリー
こい-Love
タフ -Tough
最高 -いちばにい
The first Haiku is about how hard love is to maintain, as it blooms in spring and wears the person out.
The second one (the best among the 3 in my opinion) is about the passing of time which is asked to stop, and the last stanza describes it as the best runner there is, for it is fast and stops for no one.
The third one is not a haiku, but a senryu which is more flexible in its structure. I chose to write "hungry" in katakana because as the work also describes, it is from a westerners perspective towards Japanese food, which they find is not always so filling!
Cute intro. :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't see any katakana on the last poem. Although there is some interesting kanji. Is 但 often used for でも? I thought most connecting words, being similar to the particles, were typically written in hiragana.
Another question relating to kanji: you seem to be following the haiku 5/7/5 format (for the most part). Do you know how the numbers are counted, by pronunciation or by written glyphs? For example, would 難しい by 5 (むずかしい）or 3?
After reviewing the work I took out most of the kanji, and now the last writing is a senryu and has katakana. To be honest I am not completely sure about how the kanji are counted but am assuming something like 難しい would be 3 simply because of the number of characters used when writing it.
ReplyDeleteカーンさん
ReplyDeleteVery interesting haiku!
Maybe for the last line of the second haiku, you might want to shorten it a little since it sounds a little too long. Even if it is in kanji, the way you count is by pronunciation.
Good luck!
As a foodie, I thoroughly enjoyed your last work.
ReplyDeleteI felt as though you didn't vary your katakana usage as much as you could have though. Perhaps you could use the Japanese onomatopoeia for a growling stomach for the senryu instead of ハングリー, for instance.
I also really like the second one. It flows very well, and the mix of kanji, hirigana, and katakana make it look beautiful as well. とてもきれいですね。
ReplyDeleteThe third poem has nice repetition as well. Good job!
はいくはたのしです。そしてとてもおもしろいです。はいくがすきです。I really enjoy all of the poems! They are very meaningful and aesthetically pleasing. Nice katakana usage as well. It definitely added to the depth of the haiku!I also appreciate the translations you put for vocabulary we have not learned yet! Great job!
ReplyDeleteはいくとせんりゅがとてもすきです。
ReplyDeleteAll of your poems were beautiful, not terrible! The use of katakana made every poem flow. My favorite was the first poem because it was very meaning full. You also followed the rules of how to write はいく and せんりゅ. Good job!
Did you use タフ instead of たいへん for emphasis or was it so that you could have the correct syllabic length for what you wanted to write?
ReplyDeleteちがいます、はいくはいいですよ。はいくがすきです。。
おもしろいです。いいハイクです。
ReplyDeleteGreat use of katakana for emphasis!